Barricade

Everyone puts up a lasting facade 

They can conceal 

How they truly feel

They laugh and smile 

Like they haven't even walked a mile 

I too have a strong wall

No one will ever truly know how tall

It's a barricade for my heart

How easily I seem to still fall apart

These chains I can never break

screaming to an invisible audience

I don't know how much more of this I can take
Wishing I could show them I'm just a fake

While everyone else can unlock the door

I am stuck inside holding back even more
crying out for a single soul to hear
many would say I'm silent

If you truly knew you too would be in fear

Know me

You think you know who I am

Some say it be

But are you sure you've truly studied me

The ways I get so upset

 I remember how we all met

The pain I experience all locked away

How I never thought anyone would actually stay

The times I wished I could just take it all 

I'm quite clumsy as everyone knows 

But I've never left anyone see me fall

Broken words

My tongue continues to lock

My mind just seems to mock

My sanity leaves

My heart greaves 

Over these words not spoken

Are we just that broken

It's never seemed like too much to bear

But now my heart repetitively tear

My life is spinning faster 

I can't seem to master

Moving forward

Maybe I can't 

Insanity

Was your goal to send me over the edge

To the land of insanity
To break my being down to the negative
You have succeeded

Blindly breaking my heart

Subconsciously ripping my soul 

Twistedly was this your intent

Open your blinded eyes

And see the ripping of ties

So as it may be
Wake up

You're about to lose me

Locked Away

I can't seem to find the words to say.
I get all tongue tied it just won't go away.
The explosion of my mind in the solitude of silence. 
All my thoughts planned out.
Your reaction I imagined without a doubt.
Approaching you has a different effect.
Everything seems to redirect.
My mind and heart work separate from my mouth,
the words needed never seem to come out.
I put up a strong front, but have forgotten how to take it down. 
The me you see is only a reflection.
My wall points you in a different direction,
than the truth that is hidden away.
When you find out I wonder what you'll say.
Everything within me, shoved behind doors.
Locked away.
I have lost the key.
I guess they'll stay.

Clouded

These words mean don't mean anything to me anymore
I've lost my passion to keep moving forward
This fight to find the right words is relentless
Will there ever be an end to this seemingly pointless pain
Is there a point for being pulled away
I can't seem to see the finish line
This perpetual race is tiring my soul
Overwhelming thoughts cloud my brain
Fear and confusion taking over my heart
I feel myself caving in
Holding on to the last piece of my sanity
Or is this only a dream
I yearn to escape

Never

Your presence makes me cringe 

It's like you can't see me

You see a failure 

A mistake 

A lost child with no hope 

Why can't you see the truth

The truth behind my feelings 

the truth behind my non existent smile

How do you act as if everything is splendid 

Gloat on the temporary things and think I care

That jealousy will over come me and I will fall back to your arms

Never 

You will never see me

The me that I am when the gates are unlocked 

The me only a few get to see

My trust you will never have 

If only you had not forgotten me

You lied 

And my heart that previously had been tied 

Broke free from your clutch 

Now free to fly 

my heart never to be touched