26.11.2018

Pained by your presence

Aching from your absence

This mess is madness

How can healing happen?

Still yearning for you

Learning to leave

Waiting wishing wanting

No it’s not for nothing

Left for love

Waiting for warmth 

Speak when you are sure

Soft and sweet 

Dripping with dreams

Don’t destroy destiny

Let love lead 

11.11.2018

I always knew
That it was you
that my soul would crave
and be willing to misbehave for
oh how unsure we have always been
but I will never leave again
of that I am sure
mon cher ma coeur
I love you.

13.10.2018

I'm still here
so when your soul begins to steer
back in my direction
don't be afraid of your affection
run to me with an open heart
I may fail a million times but I will never part
as long as you want me too
I love you
I'll be here forever if you will be my always

26.10.2018

You hold me out of the seas.
Though they bite and roar
In fearsome strength
Taunting me
they hope for my thrashing
and for me to come crashing
down into the depths
I see them wrap their arms tightly
Till the last breath is stolen from my lungs
But it will not be.
For you are holding me.
Abba.
My El Shaddai.
You fortify my heart.
You will never let it tear me apart.
I will not give in to the worlds beckons
even when the seconds
feel like a lifetime.
So I will continue to knock and fall to my knees
even at the slightest of breeze.
I am weak but you will hold me high
You forever and ever will satisfy.

17.10.2018

I wish to speak
but my voice is lost
I wish to work
but my strength is taken
I wish to love
but where is tenderness needed
I am not afraid to step out
but I feel blinded and bound
unable to see and unable to move
I feel trapped in this place
with a number that will never be called
Free to walk but with a purpose unfulfilled
Keep my hope and let me hand you my life
Content to sit forever if it is your fashioning

09.07.2018

This intertwine
is like looking out upon the coastline
the weight on my heart
its racing to chart this unknown world
yet calmed by motion of the sea
you make it so easy
to let go and breathe unafraid
this is that for which I have prayed

29.07.2018

Silence.

You say I should not be alone with my thoughts.
Force myself to normalize my pain,
but that will bring me to insane.
To be around him and you and them,
right now?
Like a freezing glass brought under hot water.
Shatter.
I'm not running away.
I'm trying to find it in me to stay.
Cause truly, I want to get past this rocky place,
and get back through God's grace to being us.
Just give me time,
to climb and
to embrace the pain.
To be a bit insane for a while,
so I don't have to hide,
or put it aside,
but release it and progress.
I don't want to be forever left with this mess.

25.06.2018

"Move my feet." 

My prayer for as long as I know
I've asked God to show me where else to go
forgetting too quickly to ask 
for the task that is right under my nose
wanting so desperately to run away
but I think its finally time for me to stay
To plant my feet
and grow my roots deep
Though it may terrify 
This time i'm not going to say goodbye.

20.04.2015

A stranger glanced and knew all too much
Who are these people I say I trust

18.05.2018

The pain in my chest
My heart feels so repressed
I cloud my own thoughts with this
Racing
Chasing
Pounding Beating breaking
Screaming crying panicking
Words without meaning
Blurring concurring disagreeing
STOP
it’s just so back and forth
When all I desire
Is to fall into your arms and turn off this mind that won’t quiet
But you keep turning away
Afraid to fall to nothing
I hold it all in and fear that I will never truly be at peace
If you love me at all
Help me be free of this beast

08.07.2015

Holding hands down cobbled streets
Talking at 2am
Coffee meets
Dances and dates
Rides and rollerskates
One day
Changing our lives
With you staring into my eyes
promising never to leave
Through Anything you'd try
That your love for me will never die
You get down on one knee
And plea
For forever
And tell of what we could be
Stay by my side
Through calm or storm
Through joy or pain
Even if I go insane
Rocking chairs on wooden porches
Graying hair
Through fights we'd always fair
Until death takes one of us home
We'd stay together
But that's just a fantasy

18.02.2018

Our skin may not touch
And our lips may avoid the others name
And Our brains may force us to stay within our lane
But in the inner vessels of my heart
I know
It beats to your name

21.04.2016

So I may not be who I seem
Underneath my skin I am born again
Though my body it shrivels away
My mind consumed with my life
My heart torn from the pain of regret
Of loss
Of strife

You say what's the point
In giving your all 
if you only will fall in the end
I say get back up
Don't give in
That's the demons win
Scream if you must
But don't quit
Keep running your race
You have what it takes
To get back up again
It's okay to hurt
You're only human
I know life brings pain
I know life is brutal
But you
You have a strength from above that is watching over you saying
Don't give in 
I love you
I know you're in pain
But just try again
I'm here

So that's why I say to you
God is near even if you can't hear
I know
Cause the world is deafening
It strips you of your sense
Leaves you without a defense
Standing alone
Just fall On your knees
that's where you should be
Don't think your too proud to fall out of the crowd
They walk around dead
But you have the choice
To be alive again
there's a stirring in your heart
And I know it's there
He's prodding
Nudging
A gentle wind
Reminding you again
Of the truth of your pains
Giving you the choice to throw it all away
For a new chance

So try again.