26.10.2018

This is my heart
the inner part
that nobody sees
that could be shattered by a breeze
but would keep silent
to avoid getting violent
but truly wants to be heard
not only by the passing bird
but by those for whom my heart cares
that could cause tears
ones so deep they could never be mended
I have a sensitive soul, it is so tired of being unattended

26.11.2018

Pained by your presence

Aching from your absence

This mess is madness

How can healing happen?

Still yearning for you

Learning to leave

Waiting wishing wanting

No it’s not for nothing

Left for love

Waiting for warmth 

Speak when you are sure

Soft and sweet 

Dripping with dreams

Don’t destroy destiny

Let love lead 

11.11.2018

I always knew
That it was you
that my soul would crave
and be willing to misbehave for
oh how unsure we have always been
but I will never leave again
of that I am sure
mon cher ma coeur
I love you.

13.10.2018

I'm still here
so when your soul begins to steer
back in my direction
don't be afraid of your affection
run to me with an open heart
I may fail a million times but I will never part
as long as you want me too
I love you
I'll be here forever if you will be my always

26.10.2018

You hold me out of the seas.
Though they bite and roar
In fearsome strength
Taunting me
they hope for my thrashing
and for me to come crashing
down into the depths
I see them wrap their arms tightly
Till the last breath is stolen from my lungs
But it will not be.
For you are holding me.
Abba.
My El Shaddai.
You fortify my heart.
You will never let it tear me apart.
I will not give in to the worlds beckons
even when the seconds
feel like a lifetime.
So I will continue to knock and fall to my knees
even at the slightest of breeze.
I am weak but you will hold me high
You forever and ever will satisfy.

17.10.2018

I wish to speak
but my voice is lost
I wish to work
but my strength is taken
I wish to love
but where is tenderness needed
I am not afraid to step out
but I feel blinded and bound
unable to see and unable to move
I feel trapped in this place
with a number that will never be called
Free to walk but with a purpose unfulfilled
Keep my hope and let me hand you my life
Content to sit forever if it is your fashioning

09.07.2018

This intertwine
is like looking out upon the coastline
the weight on my heart
its racing to chart this unknown world
yet calmed by motion of the sea
you make it so easy
to let go and breathe unafraid
this is that for which I have prayed

29.07.2018

Silence.

You say I should not be alone with my thoughts.
Force myself to normalize my pain,
but that will bring me to insane.
To be around him and you and them,
right now?
Like a freezing glass brought under hot water.
Shatter.
I'm not running away.
I'm trying to find it in me to stay.
Cause truly, I want to get past this rocky place,
and get back through God's grace to being us.
Just give me time,
to climb and
to embrace the pain.
To be a bit insane for a while,
so I don't have to hide,
or put it aside,
but release it and progress.
I don't want to be forever left with this mess.

25.06.2018

"Move my feet." 

My prayer for as long as I know
I've asked God to show me where else to go
forgetting too quickly to ask 
for the task that is right under my nose
wanting so desperately to run away
but I think its finally time for me to stay
To plant my feet
and grow my roots deep
Though it may terrify 
This time i'm not going to say goodbye.

20.04.2015

A stranger glanced and knew all too much
Who are these people I say I trust

18.05.2018

The pain in my chest
My heart feels so repressed
I cloud my own thoughts with this
Racing
Chasing
Pounding Beating breaking
Screaming crying panicking
Words without meaning
Blurring concurring disagreeing
STOP
it’s just so back and forth
When all I desire
Is to fall into your arms and turn off this mind that won’t quiet
But you keep turning away
Afraid to fall to nothing
I hold it all in and fear that I will never truly be at peace
If you love me at all
Help me be free of this beast

08.07.2015

Holding hands down cobbled streets
Talking at 2am
Coffee meets
Dances and dates
Rides and rollerskates
One day
Changing our lives
With you staring into my eyes
promising never to leave
Through Anything you'd try
That your love for me will never die
You get down on one knee
And plea
For forever
And tell of what we could be
Stay by my side
Through calm or storm
Through joy or pain
Even if I go insane
Rocking chairs on wooden porches
Graying hair
Through fights we'd always fair
Until death takes one of us home
We'd stay together
But that's just a fantasy

18.02.2018

Our skin may not touch
And our lips may avoid the others name
And Our brains may force us to stay within our lane
But in the inner vessels of my heart
I know
It beats to your name

21.04.2016

So I may not be who I seem
Underneath my skin I am born again
Though my body it shrivels away
My mind consumed with my life
My heart torn from the pain of regret
Of loss
Of strife

You say what's the point
In giving your all 
if you only will fall in the end
I say get back up
Don't give in
That's the demons win
Scream if you must
But don't quit
Keep running your race
You have what it takes
To get back up again
It's okay to hurt
You're only human
I know life brings pain
I know life is brutal
But you
You have a strength from above that is watching over you saying
Don't give in 
I love you
I know you're in pain
But just try again
I'm here

So that's why I say to you
God is near even if you can't hear
I know
Cause the world is deafening
It strips you of your sense
Leaves you without a defense
Standing alone
Just fall On your knees
that's where you should be
Don't think your too proud to fall out of the crowd
They walk around dead
But you have the choice
To be alive again
there's a stirring in your heart
And I know it's there
He's prodding
Nudging
A gentle wind
Reminding you again
Of the truth of your pains
Giving you the choice to throw it all away
For a new chance

So try again.

I hear you sweet friend.

I hear you sweet friend
Your cries in the night
The ones you think go unheard
You laugh out of tune
with eyes darting
And a falling heart
I know that something's off
It pierces my soul
To see you running out of control
I don't know how to catch you
Fix you
I see the end of this path
The arrows flashing the fiery flames
But you, blind
Don't seem to care
But I know this must scare
Cause even if you can't see
You feel the wind
The jaggedness coming to an end
Tumbling out of control.
I've been where you are.
Please stop doing this
Move this
I love you
Don't give up
You are the child of God
And no man will ever be enough.
Though it's fun for a while
It won't last
Please. I'm begging you.
Look up.
For God will give you the peace to top this trial
So please don't think your alone
That you need another to fill this hole
Let God be your rock. Be still. And know also-
I love you.
I'll stand beside you every step of the way.
I hear you sweet friend.
Don't throw yourself away.

Walk Away

It's kills me to walk away
But it kills me more to actually stay
No matter how difficult each step I take might be
I know it's right for me
Even though my heart may ache
I am going to do it for my own sake
I guess It's your move now
Cause I just moved away

Rebuild

I accept where we stand

I'm not going to demand 

A quick response 

Even though it taunts 

I am content 

You are in my life

And that's all I can ask after all this strife

I want more

But let's rebuild 

This land needs to be tilled

Even if we never are more than friends 

At least we're made amends

You will always mean more to me that I can explain

You are my most extravagant love

But are also the cause of my deepest pain

Thoughts

Sometimes I'm bored 

Sometimes I'm not

Sometimes I'm just consumed with though

The thought of you

The thought of me

Whatever we could be

Well whatever it is

I'm up till late 

Please sedate

This wild beast

On you it feast 

I want to sleep

I'm done with counting sheep

Sleepless

Checking the feed 

Checking the phone

No ones up

Only me

As I close my eyes to fall asleep

All I see is you

I wish to be dreaming

But My thoughts are steaming

This is a hopeless mission

I Cover my head

Curl up in bed

Now Banging my head

Restless

So once again 

Checking the feed

Checking the phone

I guess I'm just all alone 

My heart sinks

But I suppose that's what everyone thinks

Now please brain let me sleep

5191551025

Home. 

That's what you are to me.