Sunday, August 24, 2014

You're back


Your coming back again
But this time with me have the fear of the known
A year ago I was terrified of you coming
A fear of the unknown
Everything fell into place
Not now
Now everything is all askew
What went wrong
How did I not realize how blessed I was
I was sheltered and given a good place to stay
Now fear smothers me
I have been shoved out from beneath the shelter and am being watched from afar
How this year will become is alien to me
How I will make it
Can I brave this alone
Will I be brought back into the shelter
Or will I learn how to survive in the unknown

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Stronger than you know

They've never seen her cry
She was the strong one 
The brave one
The one that everyone knew would never crack
But secretly she had cracks forming up and down her walls 
Even though she raced to cover them, she knew they were always there
No one else could see them, all they saw was the outside 
The high fortress that would never crumble to the ground
But from the inside she was falling apart trying to keep it together
At times she could even convince herself that the walls would never break
She had patched all the cracks but all at once the wall came tumbling down
She was mortified 
Yet she was also in awe of the wonders that were held outside her wall
The freedom she felt 
The peace she had never been allowed to know
She had never been out
All she had ever done was gaze through the cracks as she was patching them
Everyone stared at her 
They'd never even seen her
All they knew was the little that they had been told 
But now they could see her 
She was amazing
She was stronger than they had ever realized
She wasn't hiding in the comfort of her own fortress
She was dying in the solitude of it
She just didn't want anyone to waste their time saving her
The girl who had everyone fooled
The girl who built a wall that would never break
Broke. 

Monday, August 18, 2014

Effulgent Light in an Intimate Darkness


No one ever comes 
No one ever knows 
No one  ever takes the time to find out the story behind her silence 
She waits and waits
Waiting for the promise that she was always told 
Waiting for the life yet to unfold
She hoped for the future with a smile on her face while in an intimate darkness she could not escape
Looking through the insignificant hole  in the wall that let in the light 
The light that was not hers and that she could not hold
But as time moved on
She did not 
The smile that was full of hope slowly diminished from her face 
She sat and waited for a light of her own
A light that would bring back the hope and the promise 
But none came
The years faded away but she never took her eyes away from the light
even when the hope had faded from her life
One dark day when she was feeling her lowest and thought of looking away from the light 
Begging for an answer 
It all went black
The small insignificant hole in the wall was closed
The light vanished
She was horrified
Had her years of waiting been for nothing
But with a loud explosion of rock
She was blinded by the effulgent light that now surrounded her
Insurmountable joy engulfed her
All she could see was the silhouette of a hand reaching out to hers
As she grabbed hold she knew her years of waiting had not been in vain
Her promise had come and the darkness had vanished 
The light was tangible
It was finally hers to hold
The light and promise was for the hope that had never left her eyes

Saturday, August 16, 2014

End or Infinite?

How could you leave?
Like death slowly approaching the door. 
But instead of the bliss of the unknown. 
I know exactly when it will come knocking. 
When that disastrous day will come when its time to say goodbye. Ripping my heart and soul away from what has kept me from falling apart. 
Can I bare that?
How can I keep from falling apart?
You all know when it is coming for you.
How do you smile and act as if it will never come?
Laugh and sing as if we were infinite

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Imaginary

Your killing me
The memories we shared 
The struggles we faired 
Sometimes I know we were something more 
But every now and then 
I begin to wonder if we even were
If you were just imaginary 
If all those conversations were created 
If you ever really cared
But my heart has bared
Have I grown stronger from something imaginary?
Learned from a lesson not told
Acted on an experience not gained
Breaking from something that never was
Wanting to regain what I haven't had
Sometimes I just want to call you
To say I felt the same way too
To apologize for not trying harder
But then again it was only imaginary

26.10.2018

This is my heart the inner part that nobody sees that could be shattered by a breeze but would keep silent to avoid getting violent bu...