Walk Away

It's kills me to walk away
But it kills me more to actually stay
No matter how difficult each step I take might be
I know it's right for me
Even though my heart may ache
I am going to do it for my own sake
I guess It's your move now
Cause I just moved away

Rebuild

I accept where we stand

I'm not going to demand 

A quick response 

Even though it taunts 

I am content 

You are in my life

And that's all I can ask after all this strife

I want more

But let's rebuild 

This land needs to be tilled

Even if we never are more than friends 

At least we're made amends

You will always mean more to me that I can explain

You are my most extravagant love

But are also the cause of my deepest pain

Thoughts

Sometimes I'm bored 

Sometimes I'm not

Sometimes I'm just consumed with though

The thought of you

The thought of me

Whatever we could be

Well whatever it is

I'm up till late 

Please sedate

This wild beast

On you it feast 

I want to sleep

I'm done with counting sheep

Sleepless

Checking the feed 

Checking the phone

No ones up

Only me

As I close my eyes to fall asleep

All I see is you

I wish to be dreaming

But My thoughts are steaming

This is a hopeless mission

I Cover my head

Curl up in bed

Now Banging my head

Restless

So once again 

Checking the feed

Checking the phone

I guess I'm just all alone 

My heart sinks

But I suppose that's what everyone thinks

Now please brain let me sleep

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Home. 

That's what you are to me. 

Broken Fantasy

You were my dream

The one I couldn't wait to one day wake up to as reality 

We'd make the perfect team

Or so it may seem

I loved what others hated 

Maybe you're bitter

But I'm not a quitter 

And neither are you

I saw a spark

Or maybe it was just too dark

To see it was nothing but a glare
Just a stupid dare

What I hoped I saw in your eyes 

Has caused the brokenness in mine

I was okay with the wait 

But maybe this was destined to be our fate 

We went too far

You were my star

In the darkness that consumed 

My running away loomed 

I guess I'm doomed 

I thought I could stay put

I've been holding on to this fantasy

But its costing me my sanity 

Maybe I'll never get 

I'm just not meant to fit
I'm meant to run away

I was never made to stay
I guess it's time to run
This race hasn't even begun

Real for Me

Maybe you're real
Maybe your not
The lies I keep saying
To reason my continuous staying
On the line
On the fence
My confusion just doesn't make sense
I want it
I do with all my heart
But my fear keeps tearing it apart
I know it's true
I always have
But is it for me
Could you truly accept me
The mess that I am
How I am just a sham
The things I have yet to confess
Maybe for a while you would take me in
But eventually you would see all my sin
Then you would leave
Just like I believe
like everyone before
breaking my heart even more
Or maybe I cannot accept myself
I don't deserve this
I know the truth but I'm stuck on my faults
I need to let you into the vaults
Of my heart
It's caving in
I don't want the demons to win
Not again

The Key

The key to unlock me it seems
Maybe this deems
Me to insanity
My misunderstanding of humanity
I wish I could express
These feelings I need to address
Or more really repress
How do I destroy this
Deploy this
A bomb to my own heart
If only I could've killed this from the start
Now I can't help but fall apart
Grown too deep
Secret I can no longer keep
My smile reveals all
This strong tower is soon to fall
Shattered by this devastating squall

Finally

Finally I've been released from your clutch

Finally away from your touch

Finally free from this strife

Finally away from your destructive life

Finally the tables have turned 

Finally I seem to have learned 

Over Before We Began

A word from you can change my day
From resisting to let out the sobs of tears
To a slight smile dancing across my lips

No it's not perfect and theres still pain
But somehow you have managed to help me stay sane

I love the little things you do without notice
How can you not see
You know you truly know me

Every unspoken word
When my vision becomes blurred

When this all seems absurd

You're there holding my hand
Right there helping me stand

My most prominent fear
That if you find out my feelings dear

We would be over before we began

Still Beating

Broken and shattered
My heart surely is tattered
The stabs and jabs
Darts continually thrown
They have stripped me down to the bone
It should be defective
But it still beats
Well thats subjective
Maybe it is ineffective
But I'm still alive
After each and every jiving effort to break me
I'm proud of its lasting rhythm
It didn't give in when the world made it it's victim

Barricade

Everyone puts up a lasting facade 

They can conceal 

How they truly feel

They laugh and smile 

Like they haven't even walked a mile 

I too have a strong wall

No one will ever truly know how tall

It's a barricade for my heart

How easily I seem to still fall apart

These chains I can never break

screaming to an invisible audience

I don't know how much more of this I can take
Wishing I could show them I'm just a fake

While everyone else can unlock the door

I am stuck inside holding back even more
crying out for a single soul to hear
many would say I'm silent

If you truly knew you too would be in fear

Know me

You think you know who I am

Some say it be

But are you sure you've truly studied me

The ways I get so upset

 I remember how we all met

The pain I experience all locked away

How I never thought anyone would actually stay

The times I wished I could just take it all 

I'm quite clumsy as everyone knows 

But I've never left anyone see me fall

Broken words

My tongue continues to lock

My mind just seems to mock

My sanity leaves

My heart greaves 

Over these words not spoken

Are we just that broken

It's never seemed like too much to bear

But now my heart repetitively tear

My life is spinning faster 

I can't seem to master

Moving forward

Maybe I can't 

Insanity

Was your goal to send me over the edge

To the land of insanity
To break my being down to the negative
You have succeeded

Blindly breaking my heart

Subconsciously ripping my soul 

Twistedly was this your intent

Open your blinded eyes

And see the ripping of ties

So as it may be
Wake up

You're about to lose me